Reflections of a Military Brat

By Rick Tavares

Living in Japan as an adolescent for three years influenced me in ways I never imagined. My unconventional military brat lifestyle in the mid-1960s was difficult for me to get close to anyone. For whatever the reason, I thought detachment was a better surviving strategy. At the time, it didn’t make sense for me to invest in any type of a significant relationship. As irrational as it may sound, my uninspiring logic was, I’m not going to make a serious investment in a relationship when I know they would eventually leave me to never be seen again.

Sadly, I became very talented in masking my true feelings. Restricting, at arms-length, any meaningful friendship was my natural defense mechanism from experiencing the pain of a loss.

As odd as it may sound, I still had a consequential time living in Japan. The many memorable events helped shape my ability to value, embrace and appreciate the differences in others.

Not surprising, I’ve never been a fan of high school reunions. My belief was fueled during my freshman year of college when I studied and practiced the tenets of Buddhism after being raised Catholic. One of my new spiritual philosophies suggests what’s important is how we live our present life, i.e., you can’t discover your future if you continue to live in the past. Another way of looking at it is if you don’t leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away. Hence, I saw high school reunions as antithetical to my post-high school pursuit for equanimity and enlightenment.

Recently, I met some people that went to the same or a different high school in Japan during different years. We didn’t even know each other because the gap in time was too extensive or the distance in Japan was too great. I didn’t know them years before or after, but when we met for the first time, for whatever the reason, our intersection as brats to Japan made our reunion so rich and insightful. I discovered these small gatherings to be heartwarming, illuminating and fun. It was like we were old friends reminiscing about our time in high school and Japan searching for that elusive link or shared experience. After a short while, our past brat encounters really didn’t matter because our unique and mutual brat connection united us forever, regardless of any innocuous or discernible circumstance. My view of, and association with high school reunions began to shift in a totally unexpected direction. Those meetings with other brats awakened me to the subtle difference between remembering the past and living in the past.

I now treasure brat reunions. Today, when I visit with my brat friends we’re immediately transported to that time and place. Our conversation picks up where we left it years ago. Although some of our memories may have been distorted just a tiny bit, we have a blast recalling those narratives. We may have a tendency to over dramatize or romanticize the actual series of events, but at this point in our life, we don’t really care about the delicate balance of truth. I suspect accuracy is totally dismissed with a high probability of indifference.

Finally, but just as pertinent to my military brat journey, there were several high school classmates and dear friends that began their first or subsequent romance in Japan. But what unavoidably happens to some military brats is their romance ends there. They naturally scatter throughout the states for different reasons and never heard from again. As time passes, other brats reconnect, fell in love again and married one another. Then there were others that knew each other as friends and later met again elsewhere, fell in love and married. Some took a different path. For example, I know some of my classmates attended high school at different times, but met at a reunion or some other venue, fell in love and some married while others chose to live together. I mention this because I have experienced people falsely subscribing to certain stereotypes of military brats and that’s a mistake to pigeonhole military brats. They aren’t a monolithic group, but come from like communities, socialized with comparable values, went to some of the same schools and faced similar life challenges and opportunities. Generally speaking, brats were fortunate enough to be afforded the opportunity to value, appreciate and enjoy the grandeur and the striking exquisiteness of our imposing diverse world.

I treasure the distinctiveness of my Japan brat experience. Had it not been for the brat reunions I attended, I wouldn’t have been introduced to some of the most remarkable, accomplished and compassionate people and their astonishing life stories. I really cherish those welcoming gatherings. It has made me a more understanding, tolerate and sensitive person.

However, with the introduction of social media, communicating and maintaining brat relationships are more fluid. The difficulties of keeping friendships that I experienced in the 1960s is different than today. Conversely, with the proliferation of the various social mediums, it has introduced more complicated communication and relationship issues. Suffice it to say, brats today do not face the challenges we did years ago. Their issues are more intense, instantaneous and far-reaching. A topic to be discussed later.

Arigatōgozaimashita (Thank you very much) and Sayōnara (Good bye)!

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